What a week for womankind, eh?
On Monday (8th March), it was International Women’s Day – a day meant for the international celebration of women’s accomplishments.
Late Sunday night (1am UK time), a two hour interview between Oprah, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle was broadcast in the US. By Monday morning, the UK papers were filled with vitriol against Meghan Markle, calling her vicious things because she had the audacity to marry a prince and due to having a successful acting career, prior to meeting him, did not want to completely give up her life or her independence to be a states’ person with no will of her own , who is constantly barraged by racist abuse.
By Monday night, ITV had secured the rights to the broadcast and it was shown at 9pm. By Tuesday morning, every person on Twitter had an opinion on the broadcast and every tabloid out there was smearing the woman’s name, lest she take down the monarchy with accusations of racism!
A well known morning TV presenter, ex-Daily Mail columnist and ex-tabloid Editor walked off (and then quit) his morning TV show, after he was challenged by his co-presenter, Alex Beresford, about the fact that he was obsessed with destroying Megan, after he went for a drink with her once, and then she never spoke to him again. See:
Here is a highly “editorialised version” (not by me):
Much worse, and under the radar at this time, a London woman had been reported as missing by her boyfriend on 4 March. She had left a friend’s house, in the Clapham area, on 3 March at 9pm, and had the audacity to walk a 2.5 mile journey home, to the house she shared with her boyfriend, in Brixton. She was last seen, on a Ring doorbell, at 21:38, not far from her home. This story broke the very same week, as the police sought information from the public about her whereabouts. (Source: BBC)
This woman’s name was Sarah Everard. She was a 33 year old Marketing Executive. She was a woman with a family, a partner, a life. Sarah did everything that is drilled into women, from a young age, to keep ourselves safe: she walked on a well-lit, main, street back to her home; she had a 15min phone call with her boyfriend on the way home; she wore trainers and bright clothing. She did everything we are told to do, in this women blaming discourse; she tried to protect herself.
On Wednesday 10th March, they found human remains, 30 miles away, in a wood, in Kent. It was later reported that her body was found inside a builder’s bag, thrown away like trash, and was identified through the use of her dental records.
A man is now being charged with her abduction and murder. This man is a police officer. The very kind of person we expect to keep us safe.
All of us women are very affected by the murder of Sarah Everard. As well as being loved, unique and special in and of herself. She is also every single one of us. What happened to her could have happened to any, single, one of us. And when I say us, I specifically mean “Women”. We are all Sarah Everard. She did absolutely nothing wrong. She is completely blameless. But a man still abducted and murdered her, when she was walking home.
There is a very unfair discourse, in our society, that things just “happen” to women. Our newspapers, police institutions and court systems report on the number of women, who are murdered, raped, beaten up, subject to domestic violence. It is a thing that “happens to us” (passive), not a thing that “men do to us” (active). For all the women who are murdered, raped, beaten up or subjected to domestic violence, there is a man (in 97 % of cases that is a man) who murders, rapes, beats up or subjects women to domestic violence. These are things that are done to women – by men. But very often, far too often, just like men are absent from the discourse (because it is something “done to someone”, not “done by someone”), they are also void of responsibility, and accountability, for the things that they do. Often they are not caught, or punished, or tried, or convicted, for the things they do.
Most rape cases don’t come to court, most rape cases aren’t even reported (source: The Independent). 97 % of women have been subjected to some sort of sexual harassment by men. That’s not 97 % of men doing this, of course, but do you think it’s one lone man terrorising 50 % of the population on his own? There are many many men who kill, rape or abuse women. I can guarantee that a man you know has done this to a woman you know, even if you don’t know about it. The men you think are good, wholesome, pillars of society may well not be.
This graphic should terrify you, as much as it terrifies me.
Before you “not all men” me, there is a detailed analysis of this infographic here
We all have our stories (plural). I want to share a story about something that happened to me outside my house, when I lived in Ealing, because it still gives me chills and I am grateful to this day that I got away.
I used to live in West Ealing in a beautiful converted townhouse with those lovely high ceilings and Georgian style architecture. I used to work in Chiswick and each day, I would get the tube (district line) from Ealing Broadway to Chiswick and back again. One day, I came home from work (probably about 7pm, as that was the usual time I got home). The main station was a 20min walk from my flat, so I usually listened to headphones to keep me company on the walk. I was walking up my road one day; it was still light, so it must have been spring or summer. As I came towards the townhouse, where I lived (converted into three level flats), I saw two men walking towards me, on the pavement, in the opposite direction. I did the calculations all women do, in their head, to see if they have the time to get to their front door. It was close and I made a dash for it. As I jumped through the cut-through in the hedge for our walkway, I felt something light on my neck, I turned in the opposite direction and ran, pushing the men, violently, out of my way. They had turned to follow me up the walkway to my house and, as I ran, I realised that what I had felt on my neck was the way the air moves, when someone is about to touch you. In that split second, I caught them off-guard, before either of them had a hand on me, and I ran. I ran until I couldn’t see them behind me. (Reader, I am not a good runner!). I tried calling my housemate, he didn’t answer. I tried calling a friend that lived a 15 minute walk away to see if I could go to her house. She picked up and consoled me on the phone, but she wasn’t home. My housemate rang me back. I waited 30 mins in a nearby (busy) street until my housemate arrived home. I got him to come outside and meet me. I carried a rape alarm in my purse for a year after that. I was genuinely scared to go home after that.
Every single woman has a story like that. A story where we were lucky because we got away. But so many women aren’t lucky, they don’t get away. And these women do absolutely nothing wrong. They are just walking home. The problem isn’t what women do. It is what men do.
Just a month ago, I went for a walk, alone, around the streets near my house, to get some air and a man followed me. (I know he followed me because I did a really strange route to get some air, a route that went absolutely nowhere and no sane person would ever do). I think because women are conditioned to be hyper-aware when we are outside, we notice and pay attention to the people in the street around us (something men don’t ever really have to do)! And I saw the man see me notice him. He, assumedly, took that as an invitation to follow me (he was also originally walking in a completely different direction and doubled back to follow me, instantly, after I noticed him). Men do not realise how frightening this is for a woman. I texted my boyfriend and asked him to meet me outside the house. My boyfriend didn’t respond to my text and he wasn’t outside when I walked home. I, again, made a run for it before the guy rounded the corner. When I got home, I told my boyfriend and he told me I was being dramatic and this doesn’t happen and was gaslighted in the way that all women are, when they say there is a problem and men just do not see it because it has never happened to them.
Men walk around in public spaces far more freely than we ever have.
Men do not live with this constant fear about other men (even if they too have experienced violence from other men). They don’t change their behaviour, their routes home, they don’t walk only on well-lit paths – and never through parks; they don’t carry rape alarms; they don’t stay home after dark. They aren’t subjected to an unofficial curfew, as soon as it get dark, in the same way that women are. If we’re outside in public spaces after dark, it’s like they (the rapists and murderers) believe we’re baiting them. We have no right to be there – they can do what they want to us. And maybe they are right; they rape and murder so many of us without consequence, that some may consider that to be the case.
We are all tired. We are all heartbroken about Sarah Everard. We want this to stop. We want to be safe to walk home. We want to be safe in public spaces.
RIP Sarah Everard. ❤ I am so sorry that a man murdered you, when you were just walking home.
Maybe at some point, our broken society will fix itself and women will be able to walk freely, without fear. In all honesty, I think I’m unlikely to see this in my lifetime.
we dance to all the wrong songs 